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End of The Year

How strange it is to say that. It's been a very strange and interesting year. I've grown so much this year, it's amazing to see where I've come from in such a short amount of time. I have high hopes and big dreams, hopefully they'll come true soon enough.

I will be posting my final soon.




PS- I hate Blogger. Might move to tumblr. Not sure yet.

Chat Roulette

Chat roulette is one of the most frightening things I've ever experienced. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm totally down for being sexually assaulted about 15 times in 20 minutes.... except... no...

The internet is scary. Really really scary. My brother referred to it last week as "the modern wild west". I mean, if you think about it, it really is. It's amazing that in this day in age, the government can't control it. You can go on there and see the most graphic and disturbing things, and there is really nothing stopping you from going to any where on the web, and even scarier, nothing stopping anyone from putting those things on there. Really, the only repercussions we ever see in the media to internet is child porn and bullying between middle school girls, THATS IT. It's free game out there. It really is the Wild West re-incarnated. No rules, just your own common sense.

Tattoo

Welp, I'm inked for life. When my tattoo artist asked me why I was getting these words, I was surprised at how easily the reason came out, because I feel like this is something rather difficult I've been struggling with for a very long time. I believe I said something along the lines of,

"It's really important for me to get this. For most of my life, I've let people walk all over me. I've never stood up for myself. I let people hurt me, and I hold it in. I hold it against them, against myself, against the world. I've let other people's actions change who I am, even though I know that's wrong. There is a quote I heard in a movie once, and it has always stuck with me. It's, 'When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shine's through you.' If I can forgive these people, I become a better person. I stay true to myself. I've always found it really hard to forgive people. And I certainly never let myself forget them. But ultimately that's what you have to do. There will always be bad people in the world, but it's up to you to be strong and live through that. It's up to you to change the world, and even if you can't, you can change it through your eyes, and in your own life. I want to look at these words everyday as a reminder of that. For whenever times are hard, to look and know that I am blessed in my life, and I can get through whatever problems come across my path. It's my reminder."



I'm extremely happy with it. With myself. The tattoo came at a really important time for me. I have finally learned how to embrace change. I have finally learned that I need to go wherever the wind takes me. I have finally learned to learn from all experiences. I finally learned that I'm truly blessed. I finally learned that I'm happy.

Change For A New 365

Something I've been debating lately is to do or not to do a 365 project. I'm not entirely too sure how I feel about this, because I never have been quite the fan of them, perhaps due to misunderstanding of the artist's purpose, perhaps because the images are not good. But I feel as though maybe a 365 may be good for me...

The inspiration and motivation behind this is a personal climatic change in myself. I have finally overcome a huge event in my life, and have accepted it as the past, and I feel as though it is time to experience and see the world through a fresh set of eyes. I have torn my room apart at home to embrace this change. I don't want to forget it, no. I want to learn from my past experiences and mistakes. But I feel as though I need to re invent myself and my mindset, and thus a 365.
It is fair to say I have been a cynic for most of my life, and I want to become something else. For once I am truly searching to be happy. And to become happy not through lowering my standards and expecting the least out of people, but to see the beauty of the world. I want to accept myself and humanity for what they are. I want to practice what I preach. I want to see the world and people in a positive light, and accept people as who they are. I want to finally become who I am truly supposed to be. I have seen beautiful images, and I now want to be the creator of those images.

So my dilemma in this project is well... what should I shoot? I often see 365 projects of solely self portraits, and uninteresting subjects, and I don't really understand the point of the projects after their completion. To me, I believe that, yes, a 365 is an exploration of self. It should result in change and growth as a person and an artist. While I understand self portraits as a 365, I do not believe that I could change myself and my attitude of the world solely through images of myself. I feel as though if I want to grow, I need to grow through the world, and depict the world as I see it. I need to push myself through my camera, and have every picture become a self portrait, whether I am the physical subject or not.

It is something I still need to think about, and something I'm still rather hesitant about. Whether it should be film or digital. Whether it should be self portraits or not. Whether this or whether that. But it may be perhaps exactly what I need and will give me a chance to work on concepts that have been building in my brain....



I can't have a post without a picture, so here's something I found the other day that I rather adore:

Loverboy

So I wanted to share something with you all that has been one of my biggest inspirations for a very very long time.

This is a short film written by one of the TAs of the New York State Summer School for the Arts when I attended back in 2008. Every still, every clip I've found something I love. Not only is the writing absolutely amazing, but the cinematography, lighting, acting, and directing is just magical.

The film is something I always kind of refer back to when I'm out shooting. It reminds me that while we should always be looking at photographers, we should also be looking at every kind of art to find something to draw parallels to and inspire us. Plus it always manages to put a smile on my face :)

Lover Boy from Zia Anger on Vimeo.

(Or watch large here: http://www.vimeo.com/9296378)

Lame Sauce

Something I've been noticing more and more lately in my critiques or my classes online blogging is people's lack of faith in their images. I admit that I do it too, but starting off our description with, "I know these are bad BUT..." is probably not the best idea.

I attended Kareem Black's lecture at RIT a couple weeks back and one point he stressed many times was the fact that sometimes a job is just a job. You aren't always going to like your images, you're not always going to be proud of them, and you're not going to want to tell people you shot them. But ultimately you did. You have to, "leap without looking", as Black put it, and believe in yourself and the people around you. I know that I have never felt more comfortable in an artistic setting than I have in my teacher's class, and I'm always excited to show my images.... even if she destroys my lighting set-ups in front of the entire class ;)

Maybe you don't like these projects, but that's no excuse to keep personal projects going on back at home! Kareem also stressed the importance of this saying that you can't lose yourself in the money, or the job, or the ultimate result. You have to stand out in your own way. So if you aren't happy with what you do in class, utilize what you learned and produce something you love in the comforts of your own humble abode.

So be happy and be proud! Negativity from you onto your audience will only make them feel the same way, and they won't be able to create their own opinion about it. Be you as much as you can! Isn't that all we really can do?

Here's my current personal project: trying to make these little babies grow in the cold of winter! :